THE RETURN OF PETEY THE WONDERDOG -- THE WHOLE STORY

Pushmi-pullyu (adopted character from Dr. Doolittle books)

List of Characters:

1. Nature Boy

2. Me

3. Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog

4. Pushmi-pullyu (see picture above)

5. Cletus (the younger stupid bystander dog)

6. Miss Harlot Hottie Pants (the female dog--the SAME female dog that stole the little toy from our yard and ran so happily down the street with Nature Boy chasing her a few weeks ago..)

Ok..Last night I went to bed at 8:30- 9pm..and around 11, I thought that I heard Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog outside, and went running to see if it was him. It was not. So, I couldn't go back to sleep..and sat up all night long, worrying about him. At 7 AM this morning, I finally drifted off to sleep. Around 10-ish..Nature Boy woke me up. I was tired, stressed, and Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog had not yet come home. I started crying. Nature Boy jumped into action--the man cannot stand to see me cry....and OFF he went..jumping on his magnificent white stead, and riding away into the sunset ( a little creative embellishment here--it was actually a Nature Boy All Terrain Vehicle in hunter green.) A few minutes went by, and Nature Boy returned, saying that he had found Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog, and he was in Miss Harlot Hottie Pant's yard, behind a fence. "Did you bring him home?" I asked him. I was told that he had tried to open the gate, but that Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog had GROWLED at him. I then told Nature Boy that I would go get him, and we jumped into the car and drove down there. I took a very large mallet with me--NOW knowing that Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog was ALIVE and WELL, I was just plain MAD! I get there, and there's Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog and Miss Harlot HOTTIE PANTS, but they are trying to FOOL me, and are dressed in the disguise of the evil Pushmi-Pullyu (pronounced push me pull you). (Trying to be very nice here--about the state that my dog was in )..Anyway--that just made me madder. The Harlot Hottie Pants had turned my dog into a crazed maniac..and wouldn't let him go...so, I decided--FINE..She can have him!! Let him STAY there, and I went home. A little later, after many diabolical thoughts, I decided to go get him AGAIN. Even if I had to bring them home in the Pushmi-Pullyu disguise--that dog was coming home. So, Nature Boy and I jumped in the car again, and sped off......(crazy driving music inserted here)...and we drove about a block and a half, and there was MISS HARLOT HOTTIE PANTS and CLETUS. Cletus has confused me through this whole week..because CLETUS is always with Miss Harlot Hottie Pants, but he's like her brother, or best friend..but he is a male dog too. Maybe he's young, and doesn't know WHAT TO DO, but he has been by her side all week. They are strolling down the road, just smelling the flowers, and going here, and going there...but NO Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog..my husband just happened to glance over..and there is Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog behind ANOTHER fence, in a DIFFERENT yard..looking like a very happy drunken idiot. He's just sitting in the corner..like he can't get out.. IT's a country fence with post, and wire stapled to it..and you can just pull it loose. So, Nature Boy grabs the leash and hooks ole Petey the Whooped Wonderdog on it, and goes to pull the fence loose, and it isn't even attached to the post. It is just sitting there...LOL..the silly dog could have just walked out, but because Miss Harlot Hottie Pants took his brains earlier..he thought he was penned in..LOL LOL..anyway..Nature Boy had to drag Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog home. I mean drag him..FINALLY..we got him into the house, and he starts his crazy whining, and crying, and rolling on the floor..(thinking this will drive me insane as usual, and I will put him OUTSIDE, where he can escape AGAIN. NOT. This isn't going to happen until Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog becomes the feminine, not so male doggie at Dr. Dog's Snipping the Thing Off Clinic on Tuesday.. LOL..but, the whining and crying is DRIVING me INSANE. It's a high pitched manic whine..and I HATE IT...So.. I fix his little world. Yes, Necessity is the Mother of INVENTION..uh huh..I take the Extra Strength Febreeze Pet and Carpet deodorizer in the 20 gallon spray bottle, and I start spraying. I sprayed Petey the Big Boy on the Block Alpha Wonderdog's corner, his bed, the kitchen floor (which I had just mopped--so, now I have to do it AGAIN)..I sprayed the living room floor, the porch, the outside doggie bedding, the steps...and the whole time, I am on the phone with the vet, trying to get some serious doggies tranquilizers for him until Tuesday...and a miracle happens...Petey quiets down, and becomes very relaxed..and in less than 5 minutes--he's sound asleep. It's working..YEAH FEBREEZE!!!GO!! So, all night when there is an utterance of a whine, I re-spray, and my perfect, wonderful dog is back home..and he's quiet..and sweet..and Miss Harlot Hottie Pants is a distant, happy memory of his reckless past.

Live Artfully!

~~Suzan~~

(this post is further evidence that I REALLY NEED TO GET A LIFE..hehehe)